Fun medical stories

A man enters the emergency room and shouts, "My wife will give birth in the taxi!" I took my things, ran outside to the taxi, picked up the woman's dress, and was about to take off her underwear when I noticed that there were several taxis and I was in the wrong place. - Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio At the beginning of my shift, I placed my stethoscope on the chest of an old, slightly deaf lady. I instructed her, "Breathe deeply." "Yes, they were," she heard (Big Breasts), she replied sadly. "Dr. Richard Burns, Seattle." I did a full physical examination, including for vision. I placed the patient twenty steps from the table and began, "Close your right eye with your hand." He read even the smallest lines perfectly. "Now left." Flawless reading again. "Now both." There was silence. He couldn't even read the big E in the top row. I turned and saw that he had done exactly what I had done to him; he stood there with two eyes closed. I laughed so hard I couldn't finish the examination. "Dr. Matthew Theodropolis, Worcester." During a cardiologist's follow-up meeting with a patient, he informed the doctor that he had a problem with one of the medications. I asked him what. “The stickers. My sister told me to put on one every 6 hours and I was left without a place! ” I made him undress and saw what I thought I would never see in my life. Yes, the man had over 50 patches on his body! Now the instructions for use include removing the old sticker before applying a new one. - Dr. Rebecca Clare, Norfolk As I met an elderly patient, I asked her, "How long have you been rolling in bed?" After looking at me rather confused, she replied, "About twenty years - when my husband was alive." "Dr. Stephen Swanson, Corvalis." I was caring for a Kentucky woman and I asked her, "How was breakfast this morning?" "She was very pretty, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I don't think I'm used to the taste, "she replied. Then I asked her to see the jelly and the woman took out a plastic bag with the inscription "KY Jelly" (KY abbreviation of Kentucky, Jelly - jelly) - Dr. Leonard Cransdorf, Detroit A new, young doctor specializing in obstetrics was very ashamed to examine women. To hide his inconvenience, he began to whistle softly. A middle-aged woman he was examining suddenly began to laugh out loud and bothered him even more. He looked at the woman and said cowardly, “I apologize. Shall I tickle you? ”And she replied,“ No, Doctor, just the song you play is “I wish I was an Oscar Mayer sausage.” (song from an advertisement for sausages) - the name is not mentioned